Perfect! :D

Your type is the girl next door

Cute, fun, and sweet, your ideal girl is just a stone's throw away - she's the girl next door. She's Sandra Bullock, Billie Piper, and Meg Ryan all rolled up into one. Naturally pretty rather than glamorous, she's unpretentious and generous. She loves animals and children, and is great with both. You're attracted to her strong values and traditional ways. Although she demands great respect, she's not particularly high-maintenance. Her ideal date is more likely to be dinner and a film than heading out for a night on the town. She's careful yet spontaneous - a bit of the guy's girl, a bit of a cover girl (the nice kind), and just a hint of the hippie chick. But she's got an appeal that's all her own, which is why you can't stay away. Her winning smile, bright eyes, and loving nature make you want to hold on tight and never let go.


i couldnt have put it into better words....

Women 101: Part 1

Okay since this is probably the most controversial thing i will ever talk about ever on my blogs i'd just like every woman that i've known that this has nothing to do with them personally, this is just how i've seen things happen and how girls usually tend to be.

Whoever said that you cant live with them and can't live without them is absolutely true, allow me to elaborate.

See women are just the most confusing people in the whole world, I think every guy agrees with me when I say that because you know what at times ive wished that I could actually be mel gibson in 'what women want' that would be so cool, cause we would know what to do everytime, things would be so much easier.

Im not generalizing girls here only because there are different types of girls I mean there's the possessive/relationship-crazy ones, the ambitious/feminist girls, the ditzy/barbie girls, the bitchy/weird , and last but not least the stalkers not too many of em but they tend to lurk around campus, nocturnal creatures haha no im just kidding they maintain hygiene and dress appropriately.... well sometimes anyways haha

now the problem with women is that when they meet you they are all like hey whats up and being typical guys usually we're all like hey whats up and how u doin? why because guys never admit this (sorry im letting out our secret) but it doesnt matter if the girl is average looking or really hot, the guy will always try to impress her and be able to say hey ive got this girl liking me and thats another one under my belt (not literally) haha

see the initial interaction is pretty good because its all just jokes and friendship and nothing more but when you start talking to them on a daily basis, thats where all the problem starts and you really start to see the real girl and put em into one of those categories not that they have to be confined in those categories but they can also be a combination of many categories... dangerous hybrids.

See what i mean by that is that girls LOVE and dont deny it LOVE to confuse guys and control em with thier power these little games that are played all the time with guys, sometimes end up being really mean and at times can turn out to be harmless fun only because the guy is a player but if its someone innocent then thats where the problem starts...

lets examine a conversation

here's a lil key because this conversation is a little complicated:

# = their thoughts
* = any actions

So we have little innocent Asad Haider (haha i can see everyone going YEAH RIGHT! over here but ill pretend anyways)

=DAY 1=

Girl: HEY HUN! # yes! asad is here he's so smart and he can help me out with my essay#
Asad: hey whats up
Girl: *hug*
Asad: *hugs back* #wow she smells great and she never hugs me, something is definately up#
Girl: how are you we havent talked in forever!
Asad: Yeah i know! its been ages...
Girl: man im soo stuck on my essay i dont know what to do, i wish someone could help me

-HOLD IT RIGHT THERE- see to me right now, now being as wise as i am i realize that im just being used here, see what i mean, girls can exercise their power by being a little friendly... this blog is a life-saver for all you really smart kids out there who are being used by girls, so lets assume Asad is stupid and goes along with it

Asad: # thank God I spent the last 2 months being anti social and learning how to write better!
yes! its finally paid off!#
Asad: Hmm i can take a look at it, ill try to help you out with it
Girl: Awww you're soo sweet! thankyou so much! you're a lifesaver Asad! *smiles at him*
Asad: *does her whole essay practically*
Girl: wow Asad you're sooo awesome!!
Asad: No problem
Girl: #Yes!!! my essay is done and now i can go out clubbing and get that hot guy's attention!#
Asad: #Wow! she really appreciates me, I think we can be really good friends, and then we'll
start going out # *starts comparing compatibilities*

and then the day ends and Asad goes home happy thinking bout how he now has some sort of attraction established with the opposite sex and the Girl well she goes out clubbing and takes a morning after pill just incase haha okay (not ALL girls are like that... just trying to cover my ass here)

= DAY 2 =

Asad: # There she is, okay just go over there now and try not to get too nervous, okay I have
some gum in my mouth, breath is good, hair is good, clothes smell nice, k now i can walk
towards her #
Asad: HEY! whaaats up?
Girl: hey, whats up
Asad: you must be relaxed now that your essay is done
Girl: Yeh
Asad: #shit! she's not soo friendly anymore whats going on?#
Girl: *quiet*
Asad: okay well i guess im gonna go now
Girl: k see ya

That my friend is a combination of bitchy/weird. not that girls realize it but it is.

Now isnt that a terrible thing? poor Asad has his heart broken, and not that girls usually realize it but she actually led him on, being super friendly being so nice and then suddenly she's bitchy, Girls just work like that, its that power that they have, the power to make guys do anything and confuse the hell out of them, now if they were more straight forward about things instead of being so sketchy things would be so much easier dont you agree? The problem is that girls, I, personally think dont know themselves well enough, or are too confused thmeselves to make any decisions about wheter or not they want to get into a relationship or not, I mean a girl knows when she's flauting herself and a guy is interested, you can usually tell when he's hanging around you a whole lot or talks to you a lot or does things for you (no that does not mean anything when it comes to me hahaha im just like that...)

Now im not trying to build a fort and put up a sign saying girls have cooties and that all girls should die, hell no, im sorry im not gay, living in a world like that with horny men, yeah no not a good combination...

Asad: GIRLS HAVE COOTIES!! stay away
Jack: YEAH GIRLS SUCK!
Asad: YEAH LISTEN TO JACK!
Asad: JACK! stop touching my ass!
Jack: I cant help it man i've gotta do something, girls have cooties and I have NEEDS!
Asad: Dude stay away before i kill you
Jack:You know you like it...

Asad giving a speech later on, "Jack was a good man, he died a good death...."

So see thats just a bad idea either all straight men would die because gay men overpower the world one bum at a time, hahaha or they'd just shoot us, i prefer the latter (oooh i came too close to the line didnt I with that sentence? haha) for those of you who dont know what latter means it means the second one as in id rather get shot! haha dont be thinking things now) I mean that would be a nightmare i mean there's no zombies and scary looking things there's barbies with beards and skirts running around trying to chase you and eat you, what a horrible horrible world that would be, I mean competitive sport would be gone pretty much, no hockey, football, cricket or basketball, and sex and the city would be the world's most watched show *shudder*

So plain and simple we need girls. Now im not saying that we need girls just to fulfill urges or anythign like that i mean dating is a wonderful thing I think, only if you find someone who's a little compatible with you and works along with you. I mean its such a beautiful thing but girls will play games with guy's heads and try to lead them on and ruin their lives, which produces more gay people, so please girls dont confuse men, let them know how you feel, and witness a good moment yourself and if you dont like em or want to lead them on, make sure you dont give out signs showing that you're interested or anything like that...cause that just creates a big mess.

Now the dating games thats a whole different story....
which shall be discussed in part 2

to be continued.

Disclaimer

Hey

Okay ive had enough people bugging me now so i decided to work on a project, its a 3 part series on Women and what i think of them and how I think guys should deal with them.

Now i know some people have a feminist keera, or that innate feminist entrenched in their soul, so Im just re-reading everything to make sure that its not too bad or anythign like that because im risking being scratched to death or something horrific like that...

They'll be posted one at a time because i dont want to die so soon...

And I thought this only happened in Movies...

If you cant make out whats going on up there, well those are my pants and as you can see they are ripped, now let me tell you how it happened, haha I laughed for hours well okay maybe the next 5 mins after it happened. I was playing cricket in my buddy's store i just went to go visit him and i decided to play an extra cool shot and crouched really low to play the shot and as the bat hit the ball i heard a huge rip and a sudden rush of air on my butt. At first i didnt understand what happened but then i realized that my pants had ripped down the middle as you can see above... and I only thought this happened in movies! haha

The downside to all of this was that there were customers coming into the store and I was running around putting my back against the nearest display of chocolates or chips or pretending to read magazines with my back hidden, butt (yeah i wrote it like that on purpose) the worst part of all of this was the fact that it was -29 outside and wow all I can say is that I aint going to the washroom for a while, watever's in there is frozen solid hahaha wow sorry if some of you guys are going eewwwwwwwww gross! but sometimes we have to indulge ourselves in some dark humor.

And then I got home and i quickly ran downstairs and grabbed myself a pair of shorts and took those off and just looked at my pants in amazement...and thought to myself, "wow I must've put so much effort into that shot."

For those ofyou wondering if I atleast managed to hit a good shot with the make-shift bat, yes i did i hit it for a four, not worth sacrificing my favorite pair of jeans for butt nevertheless a moment to treasure and share with all of you.

Strange Phone Calls...

I thought id mention a phone call i recieved the other day from a very good friend of mine, I went to bed really late and I was soo tired and I get a phone call at around 8 in the morning from him and I thought it was urgent, so this is what our conversation was like...

Asad: Hey.. whats up?
Friend: Hey not much what are you upto?
Asad: Sleeping..
Friend: Oh okay..
Asad: So wassup?
Friend: Well im going to class right now then im going to Birk's place and gonna sleep there for a
lil while and then head back to class.
Asad: Okay?
Friend: Yeah okay well ill talk to you later
Asad: uhh
Friend: Bye.

*end of phone call*

Okay now haha GUYS dont talk like that... I mean its just weird you dont call me up and tell me about your day, haha I mean its cool if there was a point to it I mean all he had to say was Hey maybe you should come too and that would make the conversation all normal and okay again but unfortunately he called to update me about his day and I just thought that was the most weirdest thing ever...cause GUYS DONT TALK LIKE THAT... ever!

What next? hugging for no reason?

Asad walking around minding his own business and some guy comes up and hugs him

Asad: DUDE what are you doing?
Guy: Oh you looked tired so i thought id give you a hug to make you day brighter! yay!
Asad: Im gonna go shoot myself now
Guy: Oh Phooey, now look what you did! im UPSET! im not going to talk to you..
Asad: Tell my Parents I love them very much.

jeeeeeeeeeeez!

Hi Asad from kanayda wanna franship?

So remember the times when they used to have MIRC and ICQ and those were like the coolest things to be on and having the most friends on your list was amazing? Yeah dont people realize that that era was lame, hey man ill be the first to admit and im pretty sure a lot of other people would too that those were some horrific times for the teenage kid and the computer but I guess some people are still discovering the internet and what happens is that or rather my understanding is that they need time to develop into proper flirters and conversationalists on msn, maybe they should have classes of some sort before they come on, now im not being mean and targetting people on purpose but rather making these people realize that there is a problem there are some -believe it or not- internet manners that need to be adhered to.

Now over this time where I havent written on here there have been a number of cases where I have been faced with such situations, I will not re-enact the exact same situation because who knows maybe after becoming internet veterans they might come across this website and the next thing i know is im getting death threats from a FRAND, yeah i could certainly do without that, I mean I cant trust myself if i was to be put in a situation like that, imagine that..

FRAND: Hey a/s/l ?
Asad: uhhh buddy still in 1991 are we?
FRAND: Hey you is bastard son of bitch who is makes my jokes of the me on your page
Asad: uh-oh
FRAND: I is heating you so hard
Asad: *block and delete*

*makes new account*

FRAND: hi a/s/l?
Asad: you again?
FRAND: tumhari ma ki to may...

See that is just unccessary, i know its cold in Canada but i dont need someone coming up to heat me... haha

ANYWAYS

So coming back to my rant, I just think that when you meet someone on msn or yahoo chat (God haha i dont even know who uses that) but yeah if you do... I just think people should have the decency to atleast try and be a friend first and not get into the whole FRAND thingy haha man they should have a name for it or something, the FRAND phenomenon... sweeping the nation!

So if you is wants to be the frand who is mine I am tells you to is be polite first who is the most delicious option. Why is people who is not the knows me tries to become the frand withs me i am no is know. I is now shows the poems i am write on this topic who i am thunksking too much for.

Why is you become the frand of me
Who is not even know me
I am tries to tells you no i donts want to be the frand
but you is already have the plan
to always bug bug me
why you bug bug?
I am not like the bug bug
I am so busy i dont haveing the time
I am the masters of anglaish sweetheart of mine
so next time you is know
that i am not show
my pickchur to you
oh frand of mine
uff frand of mine leave me the alone
okay bye i am now go on the phone
thankyou

also you is check later for my assay who is also vary gud

here is startin of the:

cow haz 2 ice
cow haz 2 eers
cow smalling with his nouz...

hahaha if that gets published somewhere im pretty sure they are going to come out with a Pulitzer prize for Idiots book... haha

The Apologetic Thank-you Note

First of all before i do start this one id like to apologize to the people who come here and read this blog I am really sorry that i was not able to write any new stuff on here recently due to being really involved and busy with a lot of things.

So please accept my apologies and stop making a fuss! hahaha

Arrite thats enough for this one...

oh and yeah thanks for comin on here and providing feedback and making your "jhakaas" comments haha

Stupid Conversations...

When you ask me a stupid question this is probably the face that I will make, a friend took a picture while we were having an argument in the car about the taste of Timmie's coffee and the lallu had a rebuttal, "Well I think coffee comes from beans and so coffee qualifies as a vegetable drink!" and proceeded to take a picture of me. I kept this picture as a reminder to my friend and the weirdest conversation I have ever had outside Tim Hortons. I should really cut down on the Nyquill...

The Love Doctor

I have noticed a lot of relationships going on lately among our fellow brown people, (yes brown people date, we are not promised to random babies of the opposite sex as soon as we're born) I just had to provide that little bit of info for the more uninformed crowd that might be reading this and absorb their cultural know-how about brown people from Apu in the simpsons.

So Brown people are dating! Its a great thing, its wonderful actually because now they get to know eachother properly but its such a big problem actually dating a brown girl. I raised this topic with one of the people that I work with and he's much older than I am, he's about 40 something and happily married, he shares his stories with me about when he was younger. So we were talking about that topic and somehow I ended up asking him what I would say to a girl if I wanted her to know that I liked her you know to date, nothing more, just dating and we'll see where it goes from there kinda thing and he stopped me right there,

Uncle: Asad! No, once you date a brown girl you have to marry her
Asad: HUH? So I have like 10 marriages due? hahhaa (kidding)
Uncle: How far have you gone?
Asad: Umm what kind of a question is that?
Uncle: You have to go back to those girls that you dated and try to work out it to marry them
Asad: WHOA! buddy calm down I didnt do anything.
Uncle: Okay, well when you want to trap a girl in your net, (yes he actually said that) you have to look into her eyes and tell her how much you love her, how much she means to you, how the world is nothing without her and that she is so beautiful and you want to marry her
Asad: relax there romeo, I said date not marry!
Uncle: Its the same thing...

So I got some pretty pathetic advice from that guy, but probably because he was older and is bollywood influenced or something cause come on, imagine I actually used his advice..

Asad: Hey Sadia!
Sadia: Hey! How'd you know my name?
Asad: *staring into her eyes* I LOVE YOU, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL MARRY ME!
Sadia: *takes out pepper spray* DIE BITCH!
Asad: *on the floor* but I love you dont run awayyy pleasee!
Sadia: LOVE THIS! *kicks Asad's -wizzerwop- area*

Yeah nothing is going to happen for you if you try that, for all you guys looking for some love advice please DONT try that the girl probably wont be as psycho but will definately run away.

Plus for all the guys that are starting out or are planning on dating a brown girl please remember that you have to hide it from your parents, for all you younger generation punks out there, you cannot, i repeat CANNOT let your parents find out... jeez I would hate to be that kid introducing my girlfriend to the parents..

Asad: Mom, Dad, this is Amna and I LOVE HER there isn't anything you can do about it!
(I had to add a little bit of bollywood, come on now we all like some masala ;))
Dad: Is that right?
Asad: Yes!
Dad: Beta, Amna its best that you go home right now...
Amna: *scared* Runs away...
Asad: come back!! bewafaaaa (betrayer)
Dad: Asad, beta, she wasn't worth it anyway, let me introduce you to this other girlfriend
*takes off belt*
Asad: uh-oh, looks like its going to be a one-sided relationship dad
Dad: I haven't worked out in weeks, time to get back into shape, you care so much about my health beta!

So see you got a broken arm and bruises all over and you had to lie to everyone about how you fell down the stairs and hurt yourself so the cops don't come and take you away from the parents. Just not worth it! So learn to lie and please hold off on the marrying and love you crap because its just going to bring you closer to becoming a bollywood freak... or the guy working with me.

Take it one day at a time and hey if the progress in the relationship continues go for it and ask her to marry you, but that doesnt mean you get to know her, say hi to her on the first day and propose on the second day... no no no, remember Asad and the -wizzerwop- yeah! dont try that...

Here is something that is guaranteed to work no matter what, as long as you tell your parents you are going to go "study" you're in the clear. It works anywhere, anytime!

Parents: Asad come on go to Toronto with us? why do you want to stay home alone?
Asad: Because im tired...
Parents: NO! you are coming with us no matter what!
Asad: But im soo tired and I have so much to study
Parents: Study? Why didnt you say so? Its okay beta study hard and become a doctor!
Asad: Yes Ammi and Abbu I will
Parents: *talking to eachother* Our son studies so much
Asad: *smiles*
*Parents leave for Toronto*
Asad: *on the phone* Hey Amna wanna come over? Lets watch a movie!

Seeee how easy it is!

Wow now that i've been promoting dating and giving out tips im going to be on the hit list for most parents. haha can you imagine if you went to your local mosque and you saw a huge "wanted" picture of me with a reward of a bun kabab sponsored by lahore tikka house. Hey that day might not be too far...

here's some sample headlines from the news if i was to become famous like that haha

ASAD ON THE LOOSE! PROTECT YOUR TEENAGERS!

ASAD WIDELY READ AMONG YOUNG TEENS! A SIGN OF THE APOCOLYPSE?

DEATH RATE AMONG TEENAGERS HIGH AS PARENTS LOSE CONTROL

BELT SALES AT AN ALL TIME HIGH!

ASAD FOUND IN A CAVE WITH LAPTOP!

ASAD HYPNOTIZED AND SENT TO CORRECTIONAL FACILITY

ASAD RELEASED AND HAPPILY ARRANGED MARRIED!

Okay enough of the weird headlines haha its late and im on Nyquill because I have been really sick lately so im drowsyyy

but last advice for all you guys and girls out there, use the study excuse get out more, explore the world and seriously, make more friends of the opposite sex and have a much more open mind towards relationships, and im not saying that every girl-guy relationship has to end in a dating relationship there are some great friendships to be discovered as well! Explore! Because if Pakistani guys don't, they tend to mistake a smile as an acceptance of a proposal and the next thing you know is the guy is coming to your house with his parents and some laddo.

And whatever you do dont ask for advice from older Pakistani people about dating, because yeah we all know how bad it hurts down there...

A Moment Of Silence

Well I havent written on here in a while mainly due to the reason that most of you probably already know..

My Grandmother passed away on the 28th of December 2005

So I have been busy with that recently and other things as well, been working an awful lot.

Anyhow anyone that happens to read this can say a lil prayer for my grandma if possible, Its hard to express emotions for me except in words, so here's a lil something to you grandma...


You may have passed on, leaving us all behind
But you're never going to be hard to find
You're closer to us, alive in our hearts
Never forgotten in the stream of random daily thoughts
Although everyone around me weeps in denial
Im happy for you, and it kinda makes me smile
You've passed and completed your test in this life
You're no more a witness to the pain and strife
That exists in this world, no more vulnerable to pain
Leaving behind a life that wont let you bow your head in shame
Im proud to be a part of you, Im so happy for you nani,
Congratulations and may you rejoice and smile for all eternity
Although Ill miss you here during my own test
Ill have your life lessons to live by, through my mother, to become the best

thanks nani!
:)

Just wanted to have something on here for her...